Not Sure How To Respond To A Person Who Is Angry? This Psychologist Shares His Tips And Tricks
Human emotion is a spectrum. From love and happiness to despair and rage, we humans can sometimes be utterly exhausting to deal with. But it raises an interesting question: If someone is angry, how should you respond to them?
A psychologist specializing in anger recently went viral for sharing his tips and tricks on how you should respond to someone when they’re angry, and it’s getting people talking.
The TikTok: Part One
Ryan Martin is a psychologist who specializes in anger. He researches and writes on positive and negative expressions of anger, and he’s even known as @angerprofessor on TikTok. One of his videos recently went viral, garnering over 700,000 views, 115,000 likes, and hundreds of comments.
In it, he asks a simple question: “So what should you do when people are mad at you?”
Put Yourself In Their Shoes
It can be an uncomfortable situation to be in, but if someone is furious and yelling at you, how should you respond to them? Should you yell back at them, walk away, or simply say nothing?
Well, Martin says this is a question he gets asked all the time. You first need to ask yourself an important question: Is their anger justified? From there, you can determine how you should respond.
Did I Do Something Wrong?
“An emotionally wise thing to do is ask yourself if you did something wrong,” he continues.
Martin elaborates that acknowledging this step is important because perhaps the person has the right to be angry with you, but they’re going about expressing it in a “maladaptive and problematic way.”
Even If It’s Justified
“So maybe they’re right to be mad, but not to express it the way they are,” he says. “We can address our own mistakes, even when someone is being cruel.”
It’s easy to react instinctively based on emotions, and anger is a core human emotion. But still, Martin says even if their anger is justified, there are better ways to go about it, and it can even be a teaching moment.
Express Yourself (Smartly)
With this knowledge and a bit of introspection, it can be a learning experience for both people involved. A person can learn about a potential mistake they made and why it made someone mad, but then on the other hand the person doing the yelling can find a better, more constructive outlet to express their emotions.
“We can say, ‘I made a mistake and I’ll fix it, but you shouldn’t treat me that way,’” says Martin.
Agreeing With The Doc
Most users praised Martin’s unique anger management techniques and the video sparked a lot of interest and discussion. It also got users thinking, as many asked questions about what people should do in other situations, which Martin says will be addressed in future videos.
“Growing despite the actions of others is so important,” writes one user. “It empowers us to grow independently even if we can’t escape a less than ideal environment.”
Disagreeing With The Doc
Not all comments on the video were positive, however.
A few users criticized Martin for asking how—as a researcher—he can tell a person that their emotions aren’t “justified.” But Martin wasn’t having any of it and decided to use it as a teaching moment.
Sometimes One Size Does Not Fit All
As interesting a technique as this is, Martin acknowledges that psychology and understanding people is a complicated science, and sometimes there’s no one-size-fits-all solution to dealing with people.
“This happens a lot,” Martin says. “Patterns that worked with our families don’t always work in other circumstances.”
The TikTok: Part Two
Shortly after, Martin released the second half of his video on how to deal with angry people.
Like its predecessor, this video was also popular on TikTok, with nearly 53,000 views, 8,000 likes, and 200 comments.
What Should You Do?
So once you’ve put yourselves in the shoes of the other person and realized why they might be angry, what should you do next? Martin says it has to do with what’s called a “non-complementary behavior.”
(Actual photo of you thinking you weren’t going to learn anything today.)
Put On Your Psychology Hat
A complementary behavior, he says, is when you match a person’s mood, while a non-complementary behavior is when you do the opposite. He says in tense situations like these, people tend to mirror each other’s moods, so if a person is yelling at you, you’re more likely to yell right back at them.
With that in mind, a “non-complementary response” to being yelled at by someone would be to remain calm.
Mirroring Behavior
“If you stay calm and even lower your voice a little bit, they are likely to match that and lower their voice a little bit,” he says.
It might be hard to do during the heat of the moment, but it's worth trying if it de-escalates the situation.
How To Make Friends And Influence People('s Moods)
He ends the video by saying, “You can essentially influence their mood by taking it down a notch.”
I consider myself to be a level-headed yet passionate person, but I am definitely going to try this technique the next time I’m getting yelled at. You know, for science.
User Skepticism
While many people supported this method of emotional resolution, others were skeptical about Martin’s anger-management techniques.
Some shared personal experiences and said that when they do try to remain calm in the face of someone who’s angry with them, it apparently only makes that person angrier. For others, they said that if they remain calm in this situation, the other person thinks they’re getting an attitude or aren’t being taken seriously.
What Do You Think?
What are your thoughts on Ryan Martin’s techniques on how to respond to angry people? Is it a technique you’ll try the next time you find yourself in a yelling match with someone? Is it a method you already use to deal with angry people? Or are you skeptical?
Let us know in the comments!
